4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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