He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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