everyone is single if you try hard enough
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
