Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
