Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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