Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
