i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize