So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
