My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
