Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
