You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
try to milk me bitch
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
