I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize