she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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