we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
