He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
