who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
