flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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