I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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