Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
