So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
