I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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