I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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