Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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