Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
