I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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