I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
