Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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