Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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