Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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