She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
