ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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