Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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