i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
