I wish my penis had an off switch
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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