Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
