Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
