Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
