you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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