ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
