you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
