okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Damn victory sex feels great
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize