she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
