Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
