i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
