): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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