would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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