i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
smell my finger.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
