how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
