Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She needs sedatives and a leash
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
