I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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