I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
