what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
