She is in my trunk
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
