Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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