How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
