Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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