I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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