You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
