i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
