I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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