We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
