Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she told me i tasted like america
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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