Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
