I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
