Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
