I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
