I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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