there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
