The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
