hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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