dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
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You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
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