As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
