Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
