We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
