Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
