How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
