Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
