I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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